old ladies

today on the subway, i was standing in front of the doors sandwiched between seating and an old lady. the old lady was sandwiched between me and seating. we stood there for 2 stops or so until the lady sitting to the left of the old lady noticed her and apologized profusely for not seeing her and for not offering her her seat. although the old lady seemed very sweet and someone who you would like to call “grandma,” it got me thinking as to how nice of person she really is or was. it’s wrong to second guess her nature, but it made me think what kind of old lady i’ll be one day. and what if over the next 40 years, i exhibit the traits of bitchiness, anger, hate, doubt, etc.. and one day, i realize, oh shoot, i’m old and attempt to redeem my past 40 years? assuming, i’ll maintain my “sweet” exteriror and assuming people will still offer old ladies their seats, would i be worthy of it if i had proven the opposite of sweetness in my past? what if this old lady was a cold-hearted woman in her past and in her old age and delusion, she became a sweet old lady. would she be worthy of a seat? or…do only cute and sweet looking old ladies get offered seats?

i’m sure she was a very nice lady prior today.

watching you die

since i began my sublet in the beginning of march, i was aware of these 3 plants in the room. i see them everyday and everyday, i recognized that they may need some water, and everyday, i would not do anything about it. finally, today, i bumped the biggest plant, who lives in a pot within a wooden wine box, and the leaves just dropped. the leaf that looked healthy and green even fell off! that’s when i finally took action and fed the plants. that’s horrible isn’t it?? i brought the plant to the brink of death and now i am trying to bring it back to life.