Starting restarting

Starting and restarting. I don’t think it will end but I am hoping that it will calm down a bit and decrease in it’s tumultuousness. It’s exhausting and stressful and I don’t know how I manage to keep it somewhat together. But my decision is made. When I left San Francisco, I knew that it was the right choice. When I was applying for school it still felt right. Maybe just the process of embarking on something new felt right. When I went to orientation, it felt so wrong and it continued to feel wrong. When I was interning, it also felt wrong. So does that leave me back at square one? Not quite because I feel certain in my decision to quit. Although I don’t have a direction yet, a still feel like I’m on some sort of directed path. Not quite as lost as I felt towards the end of my time in San Francisco… That means a lot. I’m taking one step forward, a quarter step back… I suppose that is not sooo bad.

breaking up

i don’t think this master’s program is a right fit for me. i like skilled trades. academic is fun, but it’s not fitting for my personality. if my goal is get a job that i actually like doing, then sitting in an office environment dealing with people is not looking good. One, i dont like sitting. Two, i don’t like having to deal with people. Therefore, this sounds like working as an urban planner and my personality will not be a love match afterall. It may be a bit hasty for me to decide right now, but I feel the break up coming.

water

what will we do when all of our drinking water is polluted?
we are depressing.

my farm

assuming this will still be possible in about 15 years, i would like to retreat to a farm after i’ve had enough of this city life. what kind of farm though? and by farm, do i mean a really large garden? hmm..maybe. haha. maybe ill grow ingredients that ill use to bake delicious treats.will there be animals? i am not sure…maybe i should start by getting a pet… one day when i am not poor.  :p

winking calling i-love-you-ing

i work for this lady once in a while and today i met her boyfriend briefly. prior to meeting him, i’ve heard phone conversations where they were obviously quarrelling over what seemed to be petty relationship problems. it always had one person saying, “i know…” “can we talk about this later??” “i’m not!…” “i love you too.” “okay, fine…uh huh, fine!” what i gathered? he’s needy, she likes it but hates it.

when i met him today, instead of shaking my hand or something, he winked! …not in the sleezy way, more in a hey-kid type of way. either way, i thought it was odd. they left for a little bit. when she came back,  he called within 20 mins! included in the conversation was some bickering, some i love you ing, hanging up, calling back, i love you too, hanging up, calling again…. doesn’t he know she has work to do!?

neediness is not attractive.