another one! over a year ago.
i think i am going to be late for work. i’ve had house guests for the last month; off and on that is. now, i have some time to reset my mind, reset my body, reset my life. i feel like i’m closer to knowing how to get those things that will lend to my version of a balanced life, but sometimes, it seems a little far away and sometimes every little thing gets to me and everything is discombobulated again.
whoa, i wrote this almost one year ago. i guess i can post it now.
already that time of year! i was just talking to someone about personally ranked worst holidays.
for me: #1 birthdays. number one spot because people don’t leave you alone when you want them to and when you actually want to celebrate, it’s a hassle. you can’t have it both ways..sometimes i want to celebrate, sometimes i don’t. it’s also a year that you reflect on the past and what you want from the future, blah blah.. like you (“you” meaning “i”) don’t do enough of this on a daily basis.
sick of the weather
tired of the smells
disgusted by the dirtiness
squished by sweaty masses
sticky
overpriced
need some space
need some fresh air
need better commute, neighborhood, job, food, etc.
- sailing on a small boat with plenty of bourbon and good snacks
- a bike riding winery visit type thing
-
there was one thing i wanted to share on this, and i just forgot. … it’ll come back, it usually does.
drowning… it must be an awful way to go. that is one that i think about often; especially because i enjoy swimming in a pool. i get in the pool, and if it’s one of those days where i can’t concentrate on anything else about how cold the water is or how i don’t feel right at the very beginning, my mind goes straight to breathing in water, suffocating, choking, flailing, etc. this is probably not a good thing to think about when i’m actually swimming. when i used to run, i never thought about being hit by a car or falling on my face or whatever else can happen. even if that did happen, it doesn’t scare me. but the water….love it and fear it. is this how people love god/jesus/holy spirit? love it to the point where they fear the supreme being will strike you down at any moment. seems like a horrible way to live, don’t you think?
lots of people around me are getting married or getting serious or wanting a sig other. i have yet to feel those impulses. keeping that in mind, i wonder what the likely chance is that i end up with someone who i already know. when i took my social psych class about 8 years ago, i recall something like 1 in 4 people end up with someone they meet by the time they are in college or college age. frightening. currently, i don’t see myself ending up with anyone i already know, but things always change.
damn..what was the one thing i wanted to mention. another day, another recalled thought.
